| sand ripples; field-lines; waves |
[11 Mar 2009|09:48pm] |
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music |
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Mona Bergeron |
] |
eh... up and down up and down up and down.
down and down and down.
and then up!
upupup
to the tippitytoptiptop
acme/apex/peak of the tor
of life.
I've been down lately. (instead of up)
so I haven't left the house much. I haven't gone to class today, didn't turn in the small project that was due. (no worries I'm turning it in tomorrow)
why not? I dunno. today was an un-birthday sort of day. I was kept reminded of past stupidity and although I felt quite good about cutting the cord a few days ago, ... well. it'll pass.
(I've still got to go up) but I am down now. it better change soon.
Miranda is a doll and a Christ. she is taking my potentially-fatal-to-my-seattle-trip saturday shift. thank you Miranda! (wherever you are now) you are so my best friend in life. hands down. take out the trash. put on your rollerskates it's time for a flash------dance.
ah ah ah.
no, not drunk. just feeling less focused. but that's because:
today is an example of what it's like when I get annoyed at the necessity of stimulants in my life and stop taking them. well I'm back on tomorrow. although it's been a nice day of reading and watching TV and gorging myself silly, properly illustrating the kind of bullshit Americans are characterized for, I need to get back on the horse before I am left quite far behind.
prattle prattle prattle
rant rant rant rant
talk to keep the blues at bay
laugh to keep from cryin
and what does Lady Day have to say?
Mama may have, papa may have; but God bless the child thats got his own, that's got his own. He just worry bout nothin cause hes got his own.
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| that is to say, busy like a fox! A FOX! |
[04 Mar 2009|06:02am] |
"street poem for avenue b"
busy little b(ee)-boy
movin down the block;
jumpin at the clock
but his runnin never stop.
if he stops he gonna drop
like a fairy on a cop
and before he even know it
he'll be wishin for a mop
to clean
up the motherfuckin mess
(cream of the cop)
to keep
on tryin to beat the rest
(off'a the top).
so busy little bee
keeps buzzin faith-fully
but his wings are useless, see?
cuz he never will get free.
---
um my album cover thingey turned out amazing. random-ness was definitely workin for good instead of evil this time.
edit:
I totally just wrote a song to go with the album.
why am I doing that instead of finishing this damn paper? what is wrong with meeeeeeeeee?!
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| quickly now |
[08 Feb 2009|10:38am] |
Just a quick update on tomlife before all the details become mush and I transmogrify into another person without this particular week in his present mind:
I want to go to Europe. I am going to go to Europe. To do that, I need at least a 3.0 GPA. I will accomplish that after this quarter, because I am rocking (almost) all my classes. Then I will go to Europe to study abroad, and my god I will enjoy it.
Talking and conversation has become less terrifying to me recently. It's a part of growing up, but also of sharing experiences and not worrying so much about possible negative consequences. Being confident, making friends, being myself through everything. I reject previous false notions about my worth or value to others. I am that great person, and I know it even if anyone else doesn't. You see how this is a self-growth issue. But I will embody that humanism I've been talking about and musing about for so long. I do and have and will again and again.
Work to be done today: papers to write, books to read, notes to take, thoughts to organize. The reading never stops but honestly I wouldn't want it to. I recognize how easy it is to allow myself to succumb to mind-numbing activities but it's not as big of an issue for me anymore. Because I am on the go, mentally and physically. I am on the verge of being called "a mover" and with the proper research equally as close to "a shaker."
My friday night experience taught me a lot about the world, myself, and the people I meet in it. I began to see my education as a vital force, shaping my mindset and influencing my actions. It came together in multiple ways. I saw the relations I made that night grow and foster something that easily could have been missed if I'd been the person I was only a month ago.
Does my subject line say "quickly now?" ugh I am an absolute liar. no. no wait. I am not a liar! 14 minutes isn't bad for a quick LJ entry. haha
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| good-bye, little drummer boy |
[23 Jan 2009|12:29pm] |
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music |
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Paula Poundstone |
] |
well what a week! it's been emotionally exhausting and mentally exhausting too. I didn't do too much physical stuff but there's always next week. and tomorrow, when I get to work an 8 hour Saturday shift! XoX
( if you want to read up on a stupid end to an overly gratifying relationship. probably TMI to many though; you are forewarned. )
Katie and I had a blast last night with Louisa, Decoteau, Forrest and their gaggle of friends. I wish it'd been a little less "exclusive" feeling but that was not really anyone's fault. just bound to happen is all. but I had a great time. being able to sing without waiting an hour and a half makes karaoke that much more fun. :) the best song of the night was arguably the Grease Megamix. oh yeah baby.
so to sum up, it's been a difficult week. but I feel like I've come out of it with more self esteem and a much better work ethic. and I finally don't have to worry about stressing over things I really shouldn't be.
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| the best thing that happened today |
[18 Jan 2009|09:42pm] |
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I hung out with Olivia! I love her so much. we made gingerbread houses and they turned out amazing. sadly I didn't get a picture of hers (she wasn't quite done when I left anyway) but here's mine:
gravity has taken its toll on it since I made it, but it still looks pretty good.
other than that, it's been all blah and butterflies and stupid bothersome stress. I hope to free myself from that soon though. here's crossing my fingers.
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| I have been procrastinating, again. |
[18 Jan 2009|02:20am] |
| [ |
music |
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Graham Norton |
] |
So why not update at 2:23 in the morning then?
School has begun. what fun what fun what fun. There is too much reading. all I'm saying is, shit fool. I'm gonna have to try real hard to not fall behind and die. oh wait, I'm already behind in one class.
F F F ! ! !
I feel like as I grow I'm losing my wonder. I used to feel absolute wonder with life, with people, with possibility, with creativity, with so much. it's definitely not the same as it was. and it's too bad too, because I loved having a great sense of wonder. it was one of my best attributes from my own perspective. I think people can be stupid, humorless, arrogant, you name it- as long as they have a sense of the majesty of life and hold that within them, they're okay in my book. then again, it's my opinion that possessing the awe of life begets humility, respect, a drive to better yourself, &c. but everything is contradictory.
karaoke originated from Japan in the early 1980s. that's all I really know about its history, and I heard it off NPR, which leads me to say it's true but also leads me to say I shouldn't trust everything I hear just because it seems reputable. what is it, how does that go: "to err is human." yeah.
the reason I bring it up is that I love it. I Love Karaoke. and now I know what to put on that shirt I've been wanting to make. it's the performance aspect, combined with being up in front of strangers, combined with a liquor-filled environment, combined with the way it can meld together a crowd in joy, annoyance, what have you. there are some times when it's just really beautiful. ah and more karaoke shall be mine soon.
I may as well make a sandwich of this entry. school seems like it'll be good. I've yet to buy ALL my books, but I've got the majority. let me quick tell you what I'm taking:
MW 12-115 is African American Lit: the post-WW2 era leading up to the rise of black power
MW 125-240 is Early modern European culture (i.e. history)
TTh 910-1025 is Classical/Christian European history
Tth 12-115 is Film as Lit: the representation of gender
TTh 250-405 is the most basic mathematics class I've ever experienced.
so that's that. the nice thing is that I've decided to work out every Monday, Wednesday and Friday. hopefully in the morning but it'd be fine to do it after class too (maybe better that way). I'm excited to have a nice body again (yeah yeah to my own perception) and get rid of the slight paunch I've developed.
things aren't bad at all. they're quite good. just gotta remember to do what I can to stay out of this lonely prison of a mind I have. friends, music, activities, school, work. it's all positive stuff.
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| christmas! |
[25 Dec 2008|06:13pm] |
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this year was a good christmas, but not for the reasons I would have used in years past. the presents I got weren't particularly great, I didn't get to hang out with friends, and I was cooped up in my house for almost a week because of the inclement weather.
but it was a good christmas. why? I got to spend a lot of time with the family and I realized more about what holidays should be: spending time with the people you love and the people who love you. cooking with mom, doing odd chores with my dad, playing boardgames, watching christmas movies, and generally having a great time. we also used the weather to our advantage and enjoyed it the best we could. I romped around in it at night and we all went sledding a few times (I've got the bruises and scrapes to prove it).
as I grow older the material side of christmas loses importance. the process of giving gifts becomes a demonstration of how we care for people and how we show it. it doesn't have to involve a great amount of money, but I still carry around this idea that the more you spend the better a gift it will be. not always true, since gift-giving requires a personal knowledge of who and what the person you're shopping for is and cares about. so in that way you get to know people better.
I enjoyed today. even though I've been living at home the last year, a lot of the time I feel like I just don't connect with my family, and so to experience connection and happiness at the fact that they're there is probably the best gift I got.
and yes I know that sounds cheesy. but that's another conversation entirely.
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| a new day |
[18 Dec 2008|02:09am] |
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music |
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michelle obama |
] |
today was great. snow, skidding cars, icy roads, coffeeshops, running lines, finding out your final is 2 hours earlier than you thought, rocking it as best you could, working 6 straight hours on a take-home exam and finishing it ten minutes before the deadline, family drama, friends and sister fun, being a happy coot.
and tomorrow will be just as good. getting out of the house is so damn important, and I just make up excuses not to go. I still need to work on my problems of attachment, but at the very least I know I am capable of growing out of it and moving on to better planes of existence.
perhaps best of all is that I'm realizing I am worth getting to know and deserving of good things. and that I can love and the time I spend loving is meaningful even after it has ended.
o day! fin! fin!
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| my addictive personality |
[16 Dec 2008|10:58pm] |
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music |
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hiroyuki sakai |
] |
I need an intervention for my addictive personality. but I don't know where to begin. hmmm. let's take the last few days as evidence.
friday saw me start watching the second season of the office. from there until today I have watched hours and hours of this show, until finally I am in the middle of the fifth season. someone tell me that's not a problem and I'll slap you. gory details aside, I let it take me over and all I wanted was to continue watching it. I kept it up until I finally had to jolt myself to get in the shower and get ready for work. work is a definite blessing in this case.
this is not a new development. I've found myself continuing these patterns with different media over the last year and a half, maybe more. it's what causes me to isolate myself away from people, to completely ignore my academic responsibilities, to let myself become a zombie when it comes to social situations... it's a real problem.
it also surfaces when it comes to any romantic relationships I've had. I become absolutely obsessed with the person I date and the good feelings I have when I'm around them. I do whatever it takes to keep spending time with this person, usually rushing things and ultimately driving them away. I've watched myself do it time and again, and recently I think it more than likely contributed to the failing relationship I had with bill, someone I thought I was going to be able to love for a long time... but that's slightly off topic.
I'm bringing it up now because I really want to change it. by ignoring it and continuing the cycles of stress, neglect, apathy, and self-destruction, I'm slowly killing myself and my future. I'm hoping by naming the problem I can identify the elephant in the room and work towards bettering my situation and not letting these addictive tendencies control my life. I'm writing it here in LiveJournal because I want you all to know about it and although I'm not asking a commitment from you, I am asking for understanding.
to help myself I think I'm going to see a talk therapist. the psychiatrist I was seeing was crap and although she helped slightly with my ADD (a contributor to this problem), she hasn't helped me institute a permanent change in my life. plus she just wasn't good at listening period. so it's on to someone else.
my ultimate goal is to spur on new growth for myself. I don't want to coop myself up anymore in my room, wasting away in front of a screen as my mind distracts itself in flights-of-fancy someone else was creative enough to produce... so that's that. getting out in the world, being more active, finding better ways to occupy my time, keeping up on my priorities, taking care of myself. it's part of the transition into adulthood I think. and although that may be one reason I didn't want to change (i.e. "I don't wanna grow up"), it's high time I get my act together.
tomorrow is a new day.
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| okay okay already |
[04 Dec 2008|09:01pm] |
| [ |
music |
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nicolas sarkozy |
] |
I was just really enjoying watching the mounting clock saying my last post was 27 weeks ago.
yeeah boy that's six months right there!
so... I don't want to do a whole "what's Tom been up to for the last 6 months?" bs. I have only got so much time, right? and if you really want that question answered, just ask me. :P
today though:
public speaking is a scary thing. I never realized it until today. I was acting for a while in high school and so I thought it'd be no problem. I didn't prepare anything written down to say beforehand, which in retrospect was probably not the best idea.
hmm let me fill you in.
group project. final for my world civilizations class. I got to talk about a few conflicts in the Islamic world that occurred in the last 30 years and then summarize why it's important to learn about Islam's history, belief system, people, and culture. all in the space of about 30-45 seconds.
end result: I think I spoke for about 2 minutes at least, although it could have been a little less. it felt like 10 seconds once I was up there, but from what my group was talking about as we walked back to our seats, the entire presentation was pretty long.
whatever.
the sad thing is that no one cared. all I could hear before I began to speak was whispering, like a slight warm breeze passing you by. except it was all these kids who probably were paying more attention to their facebook page on their laptop than looking at you standing there in the front of the lecture hall.
I thought I did pretty well, honestly. but I screwed up a bit owing to my true lack of preparation. don't get me wrong: I knew the material but I think because I didn't write stuff down before then it was easier for my mind to blank when it came to a few issues. of course, the reason I didn't want to prepare something beforehand is that I believe it's -way- easier for people to tune you out when you're not even looking at them and reading off a sheet of paper. most of my classmates still had no trouble tuning me out though. ha!
the worst bit though is saying things like "...terrorist actions just like the attacks that happened in Mumbai very recently..." and get more blank stares than those of understanding. then again, maybe they were just tired of listening to this idiot talk about stuff they could care less about.
I don't know. I'd have rathered do the whole presentation by myself. it would have left me more flexibility to talk in a style I enjoy, instead of having to fit myself into a group structure. but who am I kidding? if it were all on my own shoulders I probably wouldn't have even done it. thank god my group pulled me back in at the last minute. seriously. it was my friend Ema who showed me how good human beings can be to each other. bless her heart.
okay that's done. see? this is why I don't post.
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| ||positive reinforcement can do wonders for your happiness.|| |
[26 May 2008|11:50pm] |
coincidentally enough, I got the job at Sushi Hana. to my dismay, my euphoria would never prove to sink in. there were aspects of the job I enjoyed and aspects I didn't enjoy (like any sort of job of course). the problem was not that I couldn't easily handle the work. the real problem was my bosses. now I may have been spoiled when it comes to bosses with my previous job, but these guys were just annoying. it was my first day and they were already aggravating me with their constant pestering. perhaps I should set one thing straight here: I am a hard worker. the only reason I will be slow at a task is if it's new to me. so to have these two men independently telling me I need to work faster and better is frustrating. plus I could tell right away they were the type of people who would only see my mistakes. not what I want in a supervisor, thank you. the other factor in the equation was time itself. I asked myself: do I really want to work here for the entire summer and beyond? the answer was no. and so my assumed dream job proved to be nothing more than a passing fantasy.
but on to better things.
the weekend was grand. here's a quick summary:
Saturday: I had the house to myself. hung out in the sun for a good part of the day, saw Nick's new condo, had fun whittling away a bit of time with Gretchen and him. then I spent the rest of the sunny afternoon at the waterfront with my feet soaking. yay! went home for a delicious dinner (really good homemade baked macaroni and cheese), and then ran off to go see a movie with Miranders and Brandon and Luke. the weather had shifted dramatically and the carride proved to be a slightly alarming drive through large puddles with less-than-safe visibility. the highlight was the lightning that kept blasting away in front of me every few seconds as I drove. pretty spectacular, especially the double tongued beast that lanced across my vision at the height of highway 500. the movie proved to be entertaining but needlessly ridiculous. I'll give you one guess as to what it was.
Sunday: nothing of consequence happened today, although my much-neglected DS got a (un)healthy amount of playtime.
Monday: finally getting the hang of a song I've been playing on the piano. Waltz for the Moon from FF8*. cleaned up my room, bought supplies for some mango danishes I'll be making for Wednesday morning's breakfast, and took out all the burned CDs I've been meaning to decorate. I got done with half of them. then I went to a barbecue in North Portland, invited by Nick and Gretchen. I was easily the youngest one there, and because of my lack of life experience had trouble contributing to much of the conversation. but I enjoyed myself as much as I could. I'm glad that I at least forced myself into the situation. stepping out of my comfort zone is always important.
( tiny rant. )
as a last note before I dematerialize into the Interwebosphere, I really want to get some new hobbies. preferably some that are active and make me sweat. I'm thinking swimming, hiking, some sort of game with a ball involved? if you feel the same, then I suggest we put our powers together and get cracking. I guess it all starts with me just getting out of the house; I've been doing a lot more of that lately. also, the YMCA has a summer pass for only 60 dollars. the plan is that once I figure out its peak hours of operation I can thereby avoid these times of day like the plague. it's as good a place as any to start with.
*this makes me realize just how much of a gamer geek I am. sometimes your roots can't help but show. :>
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| ||got a ticket for the soul train|| |
[14 May 2008|06:39pm] |
so I think I've been bitten by the soul bug. I've always loved soul music in general, but never knew any good artists/bands to check out, only listening to a couple of people that friends have shown me. well now I am on the hunt for soul and I quite enjoy it. stay tuned for more.
in other news, I've been job hunting up a storm. the mall was my primary scouting place today, and though it yielded little in the way of leads, it made me feel a little better. everyone was so much friendlier than people I talked to in BG. it's probably just coincidence though, as all the cool people I know were once from this town and Miranda herself works at the Starbucks. (speaking of which, I'm trying not to hold my breath for a barista job there but it's looking good from what Mirnada tells me.) other major prospects include Payless Shoes, Old Navy, and Sushi Hana. my god would I love to work at a sushi place. it would be like a dream come true. I'll settle for what I can get though. I wanted to work at a small business if at all possible, but with the job market / recession as it is, most of these places can't afford to hire anyone else right now. so I'm going to swallow what little standards I have for the sake of a paycheck. nothing to be ashamed of.
my family bought Eric's old car too. it's a nice drive, though (and maybe I shouldn't be saying this but oh well) it does smell a bit badly of Eric's BO. don't tell him I said that though: it sounds so mean. still, I'm going to have to do something to get his many long years inside the vehicle out... and the little tree air fresheners might not be enough.
not much else to say other than a small piece of advice: if you're feeling crappy and worthless, I find it's always a big help to just get out of your house/apartment for a few hours and feel the wind/sun/rain. I always end up feeling rejuvenated in body and mind.
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| ||terrible bolters...|| |
[08 May 2008|12:25am] |
...it's like a palindrome of assonance. well, sort of.
I've just realised I haven't posted in quite a while. I haven't been keeping up with this site again (shame shame upon me). so what's new with me then..?
school is out. my sister has returned home. and I am looking for a job.
I've done fairly okay with my grades this semester. I received an A in social psych, a B- in biology, and a D in sociology. this equates to a 2.58 GPA, midway between a B- and C+. the funny thing is that it's exactly the same as my cumulative GPA, so no change there. :\ all in all, I'm pretty happy. my biggest worry is that I wasn't going to pass sociology, but apparently I did well enough on the final to get a D! the bar has indeed been lowered, and Papa says it's stayin there.
my sister is back from school. but not just for the summer. for longer! she's going to be switching schools and actually started her first day today. not to divulge too much, but she's decided to enter into a technical school instead. I only hope she has the gumption to stick it out and succeed.
the nice thing about her being back is that the house feels a lot more balanced. it may just be because she's only been here for a few days, but she brings a much needed sense of buoyancy to the atmosphere, and I'm able to exude my cynicism without my parents cringing. plus I'm just no fun by myself. you wouldn't know until you live with me, but it's the truth.
J-O-B. I utterly loathe this miniscule word. it brings with it immeasurable grief, far more than its trivial stature. but wait. perhaps I should be more accurate. J-O-B H-U-N-T. there we go. the nail has been driven in and I feel riven in this coffin. (ha more assonance. a little too much.) not because I have to have a job. I like working. it's just that I have no idea where to begin, and the options sound dreary to say the least. would I rather work in food service, retail, or at a grocery store? I don't know where I'll end up but I know I need to find something fast.
this is why I miss typing out my thoughts. LJ EPIPHANY! it doesn't matter what kind of job I get I should just get one. then at least I've got something going. I can continue looking for something better and switch at the next available (and sensible) opportunity.
this is what's new. now: bedski.
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| ||TMI about dreams|| |
[01 May 2008|10:00am] |
Katie, Miranda, and I had a great time yesterday making Katie's video project. we got to dress up like ourselves and make fun of ourselves (I'm calling us hipsters); so it was fun. haha but when I call us hipsters I don't mean in the superficial, ultra-competitive, so-cool-it-burns-like-dry-ice sort of way. at any rate, it was a good time. I stick to my guns when I say I like doing stuff.
the fun ceased to cease (--ew) when I shut my eyes to go to bed. I guess it must have been because I spent the better part of my day with the girls, but in my dreams they were right there with me. the only parts I remember were that we all carpooled together to go to school, and lived in some snow Colorado-esque area.
suddenly, we find ourselves in some strange place. it was like a cross between the ocean and space. sometimes it was the ocean, and sometimes it was space, and sometimes it was solid tiled ground on the very edge of the atmosphere. kinda weird right? anyway, we first commented upon how all the visible sand is actually whale poop and grossed ourselves out whilst squishing it between our toes, then we dove under the surface of the water. this scared the shit out of me because for some reason I sank like dead weight and dove way farther than either Katie or Miranda. I think I was more than half a mile below the surface and began panicking about how I was soon about to have no air to breathe. but underneath the surface of the water, we suddenly saw tiny glowing pillars floating farther off in the distance. it's kind of hard to explain.
then ocean sort of changed to an atmosphere type of substance that we could swim through and which was totally translucent. we swam over to the pillars and got out of the water(?) and looked up. this was cool to me: the pillars all looked like a grid of little skyscrapers, even with the odd assortment of windows lit up. they were arranged a grid-like column going straight up, except where we were standing (on black obsidian-looking tile) the pillars were more like unfinished construction projects. we could climb on them. we started to climb but then realized with every step we went up, the heat from some fans (I don't even know) made it hotter and hotter. we realized the pillars we were looking at were probably blazing like the sun. we moved on.
right next to the weird pillar thing was a huge structure. it resembled a spiral staircase except it was much wider than one and just went up and up and up and up into space itself. we began to walk towards it. we notice that strange spirits are floating down from it, as if they had traversed the great divide to get to our plane. as we neared the beginning of the stair, a Japanese couple comes down off it. they are dressed in feudal kimonos and the man is wearing a katana and a wakizushi. we talk to them for a bit and realize they are Musashi (I forget his last name) and his wife! (for those not in the know, this is the famous Musashi who wrote The Book of Five Rings/Scrolls [depends on who you talk to] way back in the feudal era. it's all about sword-fighting and the way to channel your energy while doing so.)
and then after a bit of rot, we were back in Miranda's car heading to school on a rainy morning. in probably the best part of my dream, we see a car drive up to us. he begins tailing us pretty hardcore. it's an old man! and what does he do? he starts throwing salt on Miranda's hood (don't ask me how). we gesture for him to stop but he continues until Miranda's hood is completely covered in salt. then we notice that it helps the rain from sticking (I think I confused rain with snow) so we gave him a thumbs up which he returned and went upon our merry way, joking about how much of a stalker he is. then we get to the place we stop in front of the little neighborhood next to the school and get out of the car.
yeah... probably way too much information. but at least it was interesting to me.
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| ||cows are loud|| |
[22 Apr 2008|12:01am] |
my first online journal post in quite a while. I don't know exactly how long ago, and I'm too lazy to check. all I know is that it's been far too long. the joys of typing away my mind's churnings was forgotten; that is, until now.
ah sweet life. what a treasure you are. I can only wonder at the intricate clockworks of your many puzzles and wish for more when they have passed me by.
I'm attempting to work up the nerve to sell all my gaming equipment, dvds and vhs tapes - the mini television will likely stay; my parents will have a use for it I'm sure - but this is proving difficult. I keep saying, "well what if you want to play this game? or that game? or watch that movie? you won't be able to now will you." to which I reply: "you've already experienced all these games and movies more times than is healthy. why keep them at all? it's only a waste of time. plus you should be studying instead." invariably these conversations end with me wondering why I don't think in the first person.
it is technically the start of spring. that means the spring rains are still in full force, with occasional fits of sunlight (read: "that guy's having a fit!"). this was especially enjoyed on the sunday last when I had the opportunity to play bocce ball with a few good friends. we had a good long time of things before the spring rains finally came to cease our ball-throwing ecstacies.
I am so much braver when I am with friends. I feel most like myself around them. with my friends I can be the strange, goofy idiot that I truly feel I am. it's nice to know as well that I don't really have to try to impress them by vomiting up anything and everything I've consumed at school; I do anyway for my own impressment (me: "wow you really know a lot about the way proteins are made." me still: "yeah I know. I'm pretty much awesome").
the nice thing about living in the country is that you get to be regaled by the one song your bovine neighbors know how to sing. oh did I say nice? I meant crappy. cow-dung crappy.
I have more to say but not enough dignity left.
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| [in the library, half an hour before close] |
[04 Mar 2008|09:31pm] |
Even though I'm getting on top of my work again and feeling like a king of a mountain, I still get distracted fairly easily. My thoughts go this way and that and though I do the work I'm supposed to be doing, intermittently my bubble of consciousness bounces out across the room to somewhere else.
I come to the library at night because it's relatively devoid of other people. Less people mean less distraction. Of course when there is a distraction to behold, it is even easier to do it. But I like watching the interplay of people, of their gestures and their expressions.
A lady walks up to the librarian's desk and asks for information. I imagine her problem as a little ball of light which she hands over to the librarian to examine. The librarian looks at the little luminescent object but after a few minutes of thought she hands the ball back to its original owner. The lady hands it right back slightly indignantly. At this I can see the librarian handling the bright round ball more carefully then before. Still, after a few minutes of examination and explanation, she tosses back the glow to the lady, who walks away defeated.
I think we are all just social beings playing together toward no permanent end. As long as we play together nicely and don't hurt our partner, the constant volley of back-and-forth is okay by me.
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[30 Nov 2007|08:15pm] |
Apparently the home I just moved into is going to be remodeled starting in January. A lot of heavy work too. So it means I'm going to have to find a new home. Which is funny because I was thinking of moving once my two-month lease was up anyway. Something having to do with mice/squirrels in the walls/roof. But now the decision has been made for me, so it's official.
Hey. So is there a god? I don't mean in the Christian sense necessarily... just... What does everyone think? What does god mean to you? You don't have to believe there is, but what do you think of when you think of god?
This weekend is going to suck. But things will be okay as long as I don't ignore my responsibilities. And I won't. Because I want to be past that type of behavior. I want it to be an ugly phase of my life that is no longer a part of my life. Yeah. ...I feel confident enough. And it's not that bad when you look at it objectively. So there is not cause for alarm.
We've got to keep going, because it's the going that gets us where we want to be.
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radxgamer's journal
